After I graduated with my Masters, my husband received a salaried position in Charlotte, NC and we packed our things shortly after. See, before this we grew up in Central Florida. Yes–we lived just 15 minutes from Disneyworld, and No–we did not always go. But we loved having the option to go. My husband and I had been together for 7 years before we got married. We had a beautiful wedding in 2015 and began our newlywed journey in a new town.
I fantasized that this relocation was going to be this blissful journey… I mean, who wouldn’t? We were living in the charming Charlotte city. Well, it wasn’t. Not even the least bit. I had an extreme case of home sickness. I missed my family SO MUCH. I missed the familiarity. Mind you, I lost my mother a year prior to this move, and we were very close. I had a hard time finding work because a lot of the licensing requirements were vastly different from Florida and it was a lot of hoops that had to be jumped through.
So there I was, academically inclined and without anywhere to go. Things did kind of spiral out of control for me here. I felt extremely anxious and down about life. I did not have any of my family or friends for support, and I was in a whole new town. Some might wonder, what about your husband? Well, he was there (most of the time, he travels for work). But, he could only be there so much, he was adjusting himself. And, if I were to be honest, I held a lot of it in…I did not want my mess to be a burden on him.
I sought out counseling and always felt immensely better each time. I was able to find an outlet where I could vent about everything that weighed on me, and it gave me enough peace so that I could refocus my energy on bettering myself.
I was able to navigate the licensing process and gain meaningful employment. This was a game changer and I felt better with the move. But it was not until a year or so later that I changed jobs and began working at a university as a counselor that things really started to feel “good-normal”. The people there have been the most amazing group of people I have worked with, and I am so grateful for this work family.
Then, I got pregnant. It was such a wonderful phase in our lives. I can honestly say I LOVED being pregnant. I mean, despite the constipation and nausea in the very beginning–I was that blissfully pregnant girl that people talk about behind their back. We had just gone on our baby-moon and came back home when I began to have what I thought was intense baby movement. Little did I know, things were about to take a turn for the worst.
It was Memorial Day weekend, and my husband and I had canceled our weekend trip to Atlanta so that we could give our dog, Charlie (our Lhasa Apso whom we had for 9 years) one more weekend of joy. Charlie was diagnosed with Cushing’s (a disease where the body generates too much of the hormone, cortisol) few years back and his health steadily declined. Our wonderful veterinarian also suspected a brain tumor because Charlie also had some unexplained seizures with neurological symptoms. Anyway, that weekend, I was knee deep in sewing a slipcover for our sectional couch (a year long project and I was nesting so it had to be done), when my stomach began to feel funny.
I called my OBGYN office and the nurse told me to rest for a couple of hours and call back if my stomach continued to feel funny. I rested for a bit and called. They told me to go to the hospital and get checked out. I was really reluctant because I did not want to leave Charlie home alone, I did not want him to die alone.
We made Charlie a comfortable bed, filled his water bowl, and gave him a kiss. My husband and I left for the hospital that night expecting to return home in a couple of hours. The doctor had examined me and told me I was 2 cm dilated and had to be admitted right away. Turns out the “funny feeling” was in fact contractions.
We were in shock. I was only 25 weeks and 5 days along. So many thoughts ran through my head. What does this even mean? Is this serious? Why is this happening? Will we be OK? We don’t even have our phone chargers! What about my Charlie?!?
I was transported in an ambulance to another hospital that had a Level 4 NICU. They hooked me up to a monitor and gave me magnesium sulfate (a drug that can stop the progression of labor, but also makes you feel extremely weird, like you are on illicit drugs). It worked though! My contractions stopped and they let me eat some real food. By this time, I sent Johnny home to take Charlie to our vet so he could be euthanized. Thankfully there was FaceTime and I could “be there” for it. This broke my heart. I still cry thinking about this.
Several hours later, the contractions returned and my water broke. Back on the magnesium sulfate I went. Unfortunately, it did not work this time around. My contractions continued throughout the night, each getting a little stronger. I remember lying there quietly (my husband was trying to get some much needed rest) and holding onto the handrail tightly as each contraction came, praying it would just stop at some point. It wasn’t because it hurt, but it was because I knew the more they came, the closer I got to giving birth. I pleaded with the nurse to say that my contractions kept coming (they had a hard time reading on the monitors for some reason).
The doctor examined me and said I was in fact 9 cm dilated, but baby was breached. So off to an emergency c-section I went. Our little Lucy was born and swiftly taken to the NICU. We did not even get to see her. She was 1lb 10 oz, and 13″ long. We had no idea of the state she was in.